When do you know it is time to get a divorce? Never. Next question.
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| "I ate boiled onion and fish-head soup for a week. What are you complaining about?" |
Okay, let me take a second to elaborate. We live in an instant-gratification, the grass is always greener, bigger-better-more-now society. In other words, we’re spoiled. Many of our tribulations would make our grandparents say “boo-frickety-hoo.” Maybe only my grandparents would say that, and then forge ahead with, “Get over yourself. When I was your age I ate boiled onion and fish-head soup for a week. What are you complaining about?”
What folks don’t realize is that divorce trades one set of problems for another set of problems. Except in the instance of abuse or dire misery, divorce problems are worse. Don’t kid yourself. They’re worse because someone is likely going to be very hurt, and the kids- who have no say in a decision that will redirect the course of their lives, will be hurt and ticked. That’s a whole lot of anger and hurt going on. Might want to consider putting on your big boy or big girl pants and figuring out your garbage before you drag everyone else down with you.
Sit down with a grandparent, or an aunt. Ask them how they’ve stayed married as long as they have and LISTEN.
Realize too, that people fall in and out of love in a marriage and that happiness, some days, is going to be an active choice. Don’t diminish the affect outside influences like long hours, fighting kids, lost jobs, piles of bills and a trashcan that stinks and is overflowing can have on a couple. If you think it’s all rainbows and unicorns for even Brad and Angelina think again. And they have a staff!
To answer your question it is time for divorce when you have exhausted all other avenues. If you lose who you are in the process of trying to make things work, that’s a problem too. You'll know this is happening when your friends say they'd like to see you happy again, or one of your children looks at you and says, "It's time for a divorce." If you feel like you've been chasing your tail for 12-18 months and not making any headway, it may be time. If someone better comes along, it's time to take your toys and leave (just kidding about that last one!). But do yourself a favor. Ask your divorced friends what life is like for them. It may help you decide if your problems are insurmountable or if you’re just being a big self-indulgent baby.
I’m recently divorced. Do women still have to shave their legs before going on a date? Generally speaking, no. Wear jeans. You’ll want to keep those Yeti legs covered up, which means you won’t give in to tacky behavior that you are sure to regret the next morning. Most dates are torture, so you won’t have to end the evening thinking, “I shaved my legs for THIS?” You can at least revel in the fact that you didn’t go to too much trouble for a date that has about a 72% chance of bombing. Conversely, if you’re still dating the guy a few weeks later, it’s time to engage in some light she-scaping. There’s lazy and then there’s just offensive.
If you've read the disclaimer and have a question, e-mail it to kat@funnyfreelance.com
